Two Plus Two Equals Fish
by Super Shayde
Summary: A very silly story starring Sirius Black having strange conversations. Mostly dialogue. Please read! Not as silly as my challenges. [CHAPTER TWO UP]
1. Am I A Fish?

Two Plus Two Equals Fish

Summary: A very silly story starring Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Mostly dialogue. Please read! Not as silly as my challenges.

Disclaimer: If two plus two equaled fish, then the world would be different and I might own these people, but I don't, so boo.

The only sounds in Remus Lupin's small cottage were the sound of a newspaper's pages turning and a man's sighs.

"Hey, Moony?" Sirius Black asked from the small couch.

"Hmm?" came Remus' reply, as his eyes scanned the paper dully.

"Why are we so bored?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Is it because the author's bored?"

"Maybe."

"But if you're bored, wouldn't you write something interesting instead?"

"I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are, Padfoot."

"So, some people just make themselves more bored?"

"Well, some people like to be bored, I suppose."

"Why do you people put us in stories, anyway?"

"Because they like us?"

"Maybe..."

"Or they don't like us. Either way. Or they're bored."

"So they torture us by making us bored just because they are?"

"Well, that's how some people deal with things. For example, you."

"That was mean, Moony."

"No it wasn't."

"Was too."

"I think I want to stop this before it begins."

"Why has this author placed us two years back in time? I mean, why is this story taking place after the third book? Shouldn't I be dead or something?"

"A lot of people were upset that you died, so maybe they're writing stories about you to make their sadness go away a bit."

"Then why are you in this?"

"Because they like me too, I suppose."

"That's silly, Moony. Nobody could like you, after all."

"That was mean, Padfoot."

"No it wasn't."

"Whatever you say, Padfoot."

"So if I say two plus two equals fish, is it true?"

"Whatever you want to believe, Padfoot."

"Am I a fish?"

"I don't think so, but perhaps I'm just not observant enough."

"Are you a fish?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Are you dead?"

"I don't think so, but you're supposed to be and you're not, so who knows?"

"You do."

"No I don't."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"  
"Oh, dear. Now I'll have to go buy myself a new pair of pants."

"Yes. I am evil."

"Yes you are."

"Well, yay for me then."

"Am I evil, too?"

"No, you're good, so boo for you."

"That's a relief."

_Pause._

"Was James a fish?"

"Can stags be fish?"

"I don't know, can a fish be a werewolf?"

"I highly doubt it."

"I'm bored."

"I never would have guessed."

"Highly observant, I see."

"Of course."

"Can I stop talking now? My voice actually does get hoarse after a while, you know. And nobody cares about poor old Snuffles."

"That's the author's decision."

"I thought I was supposed to be free now."

"Well, you haven't been proved innocent yet."

"Yes, but...I have a hippogriff, don't I? Ownership of a hippogriff should make you innocent by default."

"Even if it's a stolen hippogriff?"

"That's not the point!"

"Is there a point?"

"I guess not."

"Hah. You are finally wrong. Wait, you're always wrong."

"That was mean, Moony."

"No it wasn't."


	2. Name Him Pudding!

Two Plus Two Equals Fish

Summary: Very silly, as was the first chapter. Conversation between James and Sirius.

Sirius Black and James Potter sat on a couch in the Potter home at Godric's Hollow. James squinted thoughtfully as Sirius glanced out of the window.

"Hey, Sirius? What do you think Lily and I should name our...baby?" James asked hesitantly, "We know it's a boy, but we can't seem to agree on any names..."

"Name him Fish," Sirius suggested.

"Why?" James snorted.

"Because fish taste good."

"Sirius Black, are you saying you intend to eat my son?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful! I'll have to tell Lily. She'll love it."

"Eating people's babies. Great fun, you think?"

"Of course, Padfoot."

"Hey, Prongsie?"

"What?"

"If I ever have a kid -"

(Very loud snort from James. Sirius scowled.)

"If I ever have a kid, what should I name him?"

"Who says your kid would be a him?"

"Me!"

"Right then. I think you should name him Pudding. Pudding tastes good."

"That's a great idea, Prongs."

"Absolutely spiffing!"

"Of course."

"Fabulously spiffing."

"Marvelously spiffing."

"Terrificly spiffing."

"Fishily spiffing!"

"Of course!"


End file.
